Anything But Pity
by branecandi
Summary: Loving him wasn't enough, so she gave him up in a single painful act of willpower-fueled self-restraint. The hole in her heart tests her resolve daily. Can she move on? Does she want to?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I need one. Bit of a dead giveaway, neh? Ok, fine, I'll behave… mostly. I don't own the characters, Tite Kubo does. What I do with them would probably give him a stroke, but I don't make any money from any of this. Not so much as a penny or a yen. The story idea was all mine, however._

_Rating Warning: I am rating this story 'M', for language, alcohol and adult situations. Don't like, DON'T READ! Put your big, non-fictional person pants on and deal with it._

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**Chapter One**

Orihime picked at her food. She knew it was important to eat something, but food just didn't appeal to her. Sighing, she pushed back the plate and rose, clearing the table into the kitchen sink. Even her usual bean paste creation failed to entice her appetite.

She didn't mean to be so pathetic, she just couldn't seem to help it. In the wake of her brother's death, she had done her best to stay strong and be the best person she could. Then she had met Ichigo. Ichigo had lost his mother a few years ago, and she had identified with him on a gut level because of the mutual pain. She decided then that she would do her best to be whatever he needed, since neither of them had anyone.

For the years they had been in high school together, she had steadily stood by his side as a friend. She could still remember the day during freshman year when she realized she was in love with him. He hadn't come to school that day, and Sado had said he was sick. Ichigo never got sick. His father was a doctor, even. All the same, she had been extra careful with her notes that day, and had copied them out during her breaks.

When lunch break started, she had gotten up to join him on the roof before realizing he wouldn't be there. His absence was painful. That was when it had occurred to her that such pain did not fit a mere friend. It was the indication of what steady companions they had become. Her chest had ached with the realization that she wouldn't be able to talk to him, but at the same time, the knowledge of the strength of her own feelings made her glow.

When Rukia had appeared, Orihime learned what jealousy felt like. Anger, and frustration, encompassed by a burning need to assert that SHE had been there first, and that Rukia had no right to come between them. She had managed to hide it, of course, but then came the death sentence and Ichigo rushed off to save the pint-sized shinigami from her own society. Feeling the need to understand, she had gone too. Seeing that he was right in fighting the injustice of Rukia's sentence, she had done her best, but had not been strong enough to be a true helpmeet.

She had sworn to get stronger.

Then came Aizen's lackey, forcing her to leave Ichigo to save him. She could make peace with sacrificing herself on his behalf. Sure, it was good to save the others, but she would not have sacrificed herself for them. She cared for them, but… that feeling was nowhere near the intense emotion she felt for him. Once again, he had embarked on a mission to save. Only this time, it was to save her! She was elated, but at the same time slightly disappointed that her attempt to keep him safe had been thwarted.

All the efforts to save her had resulted in his near death. Twice. And at the end of the quest to save her, she was still relegated to the background. No exclamations of relief on his part, expressing his delight in her safety and continued presence in his world. Just guilt that he hadn't protected her as he had promised.

She had loved him until the day Rukia had smacked him back into being himself. That day, she saw that she would only be a burden on him. That day, she let go.

It had hurt. Still did, if she were honest with herself.

Walking to school every morning, she would try to time herself so that she wouldn't see him walking with Rukia. That still hurt too much. She still acted the same as she always had, when others were paying attention, but the rest of the time she hid behind the smile that had become her mask. There was only one person she couldn't hide from. Uryuu-kun.

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_A/N: OK, so plot-wise I haven't much of a clue where this is going. It started on an angsty night involving a lot of bourbon, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Any thoughts?_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I need one. Bit of a dead giveaway, neh? Ok, fine, I'll behave… mostly. I don't own the characters, Tite Kubo does. What I do with them would probably give him a stroke, but I don't make any money from any of this. Not so much as a penny or a yen. The story idea was all mine, however.

Rating Warning: I am rating this story 'M', for language, alcohol and adult situations. Don't like, DON'T READ! Put your big, non-fictional person pants on and deal with it.

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Chapter Two

The morning sun was obscenely cheerful in the face of Orihime's emotional state. She had skipped breakfast due to lack of appetite, and would probably skip lunch as well, due to the stress. She had managed to completely avoid greeting Kurosaki-kun and Rukia by hiding in the restroom until she had to take her seat for class. As she slid into her seat, she saw Ishida-kun looking in her direction before turning away with a bit of a sigh.

She had taken a part time job to justify avoiding extra classroom duties and club activities. Tatsuki-chan and Chitose-chan had made the logical assumption that she needed the money for living expenses and college fees. They weren't entirely wrong, but she wasn't working out of any financial necessity. It was purely an excuse to avoid Kurosaki-kun; the extra money for college was, so far as she was concerned, an incidental perk.

Class passed in the usual haze of keeping her eyes on the teacher and blackboard, and taking very thorough notes. When the bell rang for lunch, she bolted to hide in the back of the library as was her recent habit. The restrooms were too busy to be an effective hide-away during lunch, and Rukia habitually used them during that time frame. As she neared the library, she glanced behind to make sure no-one had followed her. Seeing only an empty hall, she ducked into the library and made her way to the back corner. Pulling out the book she had been working through, she settled next to a sunny window. As she opened to her bookmark, Ishida-kun cleared his throat from the end of the stacks. She panicked momentarily, until she recognized him.

"Oh, Ishida-kun! You startled me!" she flashed her trademark smile.

"Enough. We all know he's an idiot, but you have to stop."

She dropped the smile. "_Gomen nasai, wakari masu ka_?" (I'm sorry, I don't understand?)

"You've been skipping lunch nearly the entire term, and I'm sure you're not eating at home either, because you're getting gaunt. You can't keep up in PE anymore. You never talk to any of your friends, or spend time with them. Your current method of dealing with this is ruining your health and isolating you from the people who care about you. It has to stop." He gazed sternly down at her. "I know why, and while I haven't personally been in your situation, I understand how you feel. There are better ways to handle this."

Orihime dropped her cheerful act, and her eyes ached with the depths of her misery. "What would you have me do differently? Every day is a brutal reminder, seeing them, and I'm nauseous in the morning thinking about school, and I'm numb at lunch just trying not to feel where others will see how foolish and pathetic I am, crying for what isn't mine."

"Perhaps what you need is something that is yours, to keep your mind on what you have, instead of what you don't."

"I don't know of anything that would work."

A smug smile crept onto Ishida-kun's lips. "Then, perhaps I can be of assistance."

She stared, utterly speechless for a moment, before stammering, "How?"

"Come here, Orihime." She moved to stand directly facing him.

"Closer." She took another step towards him.

He reached towards her and wrapped her in a close embrace. She stiffened, shocked by his sudden, uncharacteristic and very personal contact.

"Ishida-kun!"

His arms tightened and she instinctively relaxed, resting her head against his shoulder. One of his arms slid up her back, stopping around her shoulders and cradling her closely.

"_Breathe_, Orihime."

She hadn't realized she had stopped. She gulped air into her lungs, and began forcing herself to breathe deeply… and then she noticed. Oh, Kami, he smelled good. She buried her nose in his tunic, intoxicating herself with his scent.

Ishida Uryuu smiled to himself, hearing her sniffing him and feeling her small hands begin to creep around his waist. 'Yes,', he thought, 'this will work.' He lowered his head, touching his nose against the side of her neck and feeling her shudder slightly. He traced the tip of his nose up to the hollow under her ear, nuzzling her soft skin and slowly exhaling a warm breath.

Orihime wasn't thinking about her problems anymore. Actually, she was barely able to think at all, and certainly not with any semblance of reason. For the first time in months, she was feeling. His breath on her neck was sending a thrill down her spine.

"All you need… is me." He loosened his embrace, and cupped her face with one hand. "Do you want to pursue my proposed solution?"

"_H – hai_." She shivered slightly at the loss of his body heat.

"Excellent." He cradled her in one arm, pulling her closer and tipping her face up from her shy gazing towards the floor. "You will be mine, then. No more pining after that idiot. No more skipping meals. I will be walking you to school, and then home afterwards. And, one more thing."

He laid his lips gently against hers in a chaste kiss. "Come. Time for lunch."

"_Hai_!"

He took her hand, and led her back into the world.

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A/N: I'm a bad, bad girl. I was scribbling in my notebook to continue the story, instead of paying attention at the training conference. I'd feel bad, if the material I was missing due to inattention was anything I didn't hear last year. (grin) Smile, _mina_! It seems that less than positive mental states result in additional chapters being written.

Even better, an attention loving author will cave to peer pressure demanding the posting of said chapters, especially if it is done with some sweet words that can be fed to the plot bunnies to keep them motivated. A happy plot bunny is a productive plot bunny, after all!


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